Puh, the gorgeous

hello, Everyone!

Today i am too dizzy with the red wine and the nice talk i had with a nice friend of mine :) So, i just cant write in this very moment, but i wanna share two pics. The first one- with the cat- is my own property;) and all rights are reserved;) The second one is Bianca Beauchamp in a sexy Christmas dress:) Enjoy;)

As a proud owner of this picture, i just cant stop showing off with it... Isn't He gorgeous?! ;)

Bianca Beauchamp is my fave fashion fetish model ;) if i havent chosen this profession of mine, i would like to be like her :) Fortunately or unfortunately... i have to be the good girl ;)

Cheers!

Yours, the dizzy Eden

Forgiveness

Forgiveness..This is what i pray every night for.. God to forgive my sins as i forgive to the others.. But it's not so easy to forgive as to pray for forgiveness :( It's one of the hardest abilities...
I need to forgive for to forget.. I need to remove this feeing from my heart.. better empty than hurting so much. But if i forgive, i'll forget, i'll empty my heart..and what then? Do i really want to forget? To continue with someone else?

Perhaps only a perfect creature can forgive with a pure heart, without hesitaion, with no bad feelings and thought.. Maybe that's why only God can forgive everything... And i am not a divine creature,i am not made of stones... i have feelings and not so pure thoughts.. And something else... We all know the legend of Pandora and her box, given by the ancient Gods.. When the box was opened, all the dab creatures, diseases, misfortunes and horrors flied away from there and the World was never the same so far... The last one that flied away from the box was the white, shiny Hope... Hope, given as a gift from the Gods to those sinful people as a majestic grace, soothing those suffering souls, suffocating in their own sorrow.

But was Hope really a gift? Or the greatest horror and punishment, torture for the weak, low humans? What is that lead us? Hope? Even when the mind is telling you0 it's over, stop! , Hope whispers- continue, fight! For what?!! For more suffering? For crawling in the mud, as a dirty old rag, thrown away, as a useless pet, banished in the dark? as a cheap slut with a smashed personality?!!

Thank You for the grace! I really appreciated it! I am on my knees with lowered eyes, begging for more of this humiliation!

Thank You , God, for purifying my soul! I feel pure and forgiving! Please, help me to forget and to empty my heart... because we all have limits, and that's my own... Please, let me be a phoenix, reborn in my own ashes, in those dark and windy evenings in the lonely winter...

They say people, who were sick of tuberculosis, were usually dying just before spring to come.. And what about those, who are sick from brokenheartosis?

It's over!

I forgive You!

Please, forgive me too...

yours, a forgiving monster

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I wish You all health, happiness and shared love!:)

Today i seemed to be quite a drooping flower.. I've never felt so lonely and sad... Even imaginative love, pretended love is much more than no love... And the human being was created with the only aim- to love and to be loved...

Whole day i am cleaning the house, trying to run away from the bad thoughts and the nightmares, together with the sounds and screams of Soulfly, Korn, Linkin Park, Deftones.. but it's just impossible :( Sadly, but true, fucking true.. Tonight i had quite strange nightmares :) My life was a kind of a law with particular articles in it and every article was a moment from it :) My lovers, my friend, everyone was there...and i was just reading the articles and seeing- see, it is so according to this law, so, that's the way it is.. I cant and i wont even try to show You the way i felt. Two words only- low and useless..

And , btw, don't make acrobatics in the bathroom! Please... I'll show You the result ;) when i upload the pics... So, You will feel not only low and useless, but also.... immobile :D Hope i'll be able to dance in January, but... who know...Hope everything to be alright! And again- no acrobatics in the bathroom and no doors, opened by legs...

brb, i have to put on the table ;) for the Christmas Dinner :) see You later

I am back again...And i dont know how it happened to me, but..i've never felt such a sorrow ever in my life! And emptiness.. And anger sometimes... To play with me as with a toy! Such a shame!
It's better just to stop here, cause it's...time to stop....

Yours, sleepy Eden

Graduation and other ends of stories..

Hello there! :)

It's been a long time since i wrote for a last time here... I am really sorry about that, but i had a lot of stuff to do and also..i gave a word to God that i wont even touch a PC (and other pussies) till i pass the last coming exam... So, thanks to God, it happened... I really want to thank God, mom, bro, my colleagues and friends for understanding me the last 4-5 months when i was just awful friend and dreadful person to communicate with! Thank YOU all for standing beside me and being good with me even though i doubt i was the best choice for a dialogue partner... It's true that i was able to communicate just with my colleagues, who just were in the same conditions as i was.. But it's up to its end... Your Eden graduated with excellent esteems her first major :) Now it's just left the state practice, then the state practice exam and the thesis of my second major and it all will be finished up;)
I believe i still cant realize it... You know, everything you do in your life till university graduation is to study and now what? Completely new life... After this Friday i realized that i am not able to answer the question - "and now what?" May plans for 25 years were up to this Friday... The only thing i was thinking while studying this last month was that when i pas the exam, Christmas is coming and the wish i made will happened, that miracles happen and that my soul-mate one will arrive on his white horse and spend with me the new year... But all this glass tower just broke up at the same Friday, in the middle of a dark street, in the winter fog, with tears, freezing on my chicks... The moment claimed to be the most important for me turned into the worst, ruined by the one that claimed to love me...and all the joy just disappeared in a second.. and a lady's voice saying- "please, Raia, don't be angry with me, i really don't know what to say..."
At this moment i was just hating myself... really, cause i am just a naive, planless, stupid idiot, who believes in miracles and doesn't open her eyes, trying to reborn something that is dead forever... I still believe that it's better to feel sorry about the things you did than for the things you missed to do! I do believe it! But i am the only one that believes so, and another one is also needed to believe it too. But the other one... i don't know, really, and don't understand it... he believes he is the wrong person about me... It doesn't sound fair, right? But this is the way it is...
Today i had a conversation with Mila.. She is one of the best friends and a colleague of mine. I told her that if i was allowed, i would do everything in this world to be with the man i love.. and do you know what she said? She just whispered in the phone..."dear, what has happened to you?!you are changed... is this the girl who was always saying - i am a bitch?!!" and so on...:))) She was surprised even though she knows me for years...or maybe just because of that..
And yes i really would do everything for to be with the One i love...

Greeting with this:

Garbage
Crush

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.

Yours, Killing, crawling and crying Eden

the 8th of December pics

the gang ;)
me and Iluminada









brown and orange?







coming lawyers?

before catching the taxi









Since my gallery has
some probs with loading the pics, so, here i am posting few pics from our last students' day :) hope you like it;)

Now- time for studying!

Yours, Eden, who is running for the bus

Video of Patti SMITH 2007

I just love this song... This is me..

Pissing in a River....

The first time i heard this song was maybe 6-7 years ago in a movie called "All over me". The story was about a girl who was in love with her best friend, but the best friend was straight, so, our girl just went to a bar and there she met another pink-haired girl, a lovely and sweet guitarist. This song was playing while they kissed for a first time, but our girl run away, cause she was still thinking about the best friend... Finally everything got ok between her and the pink-haired one and btw, do You know now who is she? Leisha Hailey, the first one in the top list of the one hundred hotties for lesbians, released by AfterEllen website. Even Angelina is after Leisha, whom, i confess, always liked:)

But i was talking about the song... When i heard it, i began to look for it online, but couldn't find it anyway. After a lot of tortures, a friend of mine found it on a torrent and after few days downloading, he "brought it" to me.. Since then this is the song i just love singing, crying and smiling, feeling really purified after doen it.. It says everything instead of me, like a mirror or an opened book... It's like reading in someone's soul, my soul.. And it really saves life as someone had written somewhere.. That's why i am sharing it with You:)

It's time to go now, cause it's gonna be a long day tomorrow - i want to finish the banking law and then to fix up the Constitutional Law, cause there is no time.. Btw, dont think i dont have any kind of social life;) Just on the conrary. After library i am gonna go to my dance class for to dance some salsa;) I'll tell You about the dances sometimes, but not tonight! Enjoy the song and sweet dreams! Ciao!

Soft smile, Eden

Pissing in a River

Patti Smith

Pissing in a river, watching it rise
Tattoo fingers shy away from me
Voices voices mesmerize
Voices voices beckoning sea
Come come come come back come back
Come back come back come back

Spoke of a wheel, tip of a spoon
Mouth of a cave, I'm a slave I'm free.
When are you coming ? Hope you come soon
Fingers, fingers encircling thee
Come come come come come come
Come come come come come come for me oh

My bowels are empty, excreting your soul
What more can I give you ? Baby I don't know
What more can I give you to make this thing grow?
Don't turn your back now, I'm talking to you

Should I pursue a path so twisted ?
Should I crawl defeated and gifted ?
Should I go the length of a river
[The royal, the throne, the cry me a river]
Everything I've done, I've done for you
Oh I give my life for you.
Every move I made I move to you,
And I came like a magnet for you now.

What about it, you're gonna leave me,
What about it, you don't need me,
What about it, I can't live without you,
What about it, I never doubted you
What about it ? What about it ?
What about it ? What about it ?

Should I pursue a path so twisted ?
Should I crawl defeated and gifted ?
Should I go the length of a river,
[The royal, the throne, the cry me a river]
What about it, what about it, what about it ?
Oh, I'm pissing in a river.