Forgiveness

Forgiveness..This is what i pray every night for.. God to forgive my sins as i forgive to the others.. But it's not so easy to forgive as to pray for forgiveness :( It's one of the hardest abilities...
I need to forgive for to forget.. I need to remove this feeing from my heart.. better empty than hurting so much. But if i forgive, i'll forget, i'll empty my heart..and what then? Do i really want to forget? To continue with someone else?

Perhaps only a perfect creature can forgive with a pure heart, without hesitaion, with no bad feelings and thought.. Maybe that's why only God can forgive everything... And i am not a divine creature,i am not made of stones... i have feelings and not so pure thoughts.. And something else... We all know the legend of Pandora and her box, given by the ancient Gods.. When the box was opened, all the dab creatures, diseases, misfortunes and horrors flied away from there and the World was never the same so far... The last one that flied away from the box was the white, shiny Hope... Hope, given as a gift from the Gods to those sinful people as a majestic grace, soothing those suffering souls, suffocating in their own sorrow.

But was Hope really a gift? Or the greatest horror and punishment, torture for the weak, low humans? What is that lead us? Hope? Even when the mind is telling you0 it's over, stop! , Hope whispers- continue, fight! For what?!! For more suffering? For crawling in the mud, as a dirty old rag, thrown away, as a useless pet, banished in the dark? as a cheap slut with a smashed personality?!!

Thank You for the grace! I really appreciated it! I am on my knees with lowered eyes, begging for more of this humiliation!

Thank You , God, for purifying my soul! I feel pure and forgiving! Please, help me to forget and to empty my heart... because we all have limits, and that's my own... Please, let me be a phoenix, reborn in my own ashes, in those dark and windy evenings in the lonely winter...

They say people, who were sick of tuberculosis, were usually dying just before spring to come.. And what about those, who are sick from brokenheartosis?

It's over!

I forgive You!

Please, forgive me too...

yours, a forgiving monster