Graduation and other ends of stories..

Hello there! :)

It's been a long time since i wrote for a last time here... I am really sorry about that, but i had a lot of stuff to do and also..i gave a word to God that i wont even touch a PC (and other pussies) till i pass the last coming exam... So, thanks to God, it happened... I really want to thank God, mom, bro, my colleagues and friends for understanding me the last 4-5 months when i was just awful friend and dreadful person to communicate with! Thank YOU all for standing beside me and being good with me even though i doubt i was the best choice for a dialogue partner... It's true that i was able to communicate just with my colleagues, who just were in the same conditions as i was.. But it's up to its end... Your Eden graduated with excellent esteems her first major :) Now it's just left the state practice, then the state practice exam and the thesis of my second major and it all will be finished up;)
I believe i still cant realize it... You know, everything you do in your life till university graduation is to study and now what? Completely new life... After this Friday i realized that i am not able to answer the question - "and now what?" May plans for 25 years were up to this Friday... The only thing i was thinking while studying this last month was that when i pas the exam, Christmas is coming and the wish i made will happened, that miracles happen and that my soul-mate one will arrive on his white horse and spend with me the new year... But all this glass tower just broke up at the same Friday, in the middle of a dark street, in the winter fog, with tears, freezing on my chicks... The moment claimed to be the most important for me turned into the worst, ruined by the one that claimed to love me...and all the joy just disappeared in a second.. and a lady's voice saying- "please, Raia, don't be angry with me, i really don't know what to say..."
At this moment i was just hating myself... really, cause i am just a naive, planless, stupid idiot, who believes in miracles and doesn't open her eyes, trying to reborn something that is dead forever... I still believe that it's better to feel sorry about the things you did than for the things you missed to do! I do believe it! But i am the only one that believes so, and another one is also needed to believe it too. But the other one... i don't know, really, and don't understand it... he believes he is the wrong person about me... It doesn't sound fair, right? But this is the way it is...
Today i had a conversation with Mila.. She is one of the best friends and a colleague of mine. I told her that if i was allowed, i would do everything in this world to be with the man i love.. and do you know what she said? She just whispered in the phone..."dear, what has happened to you?!you are changed... is this the girl who was always saying - i am a bitch?!!" and so on...:))) She was surprised even though she knows me for years...or maybe just because of that..
And yes i really would do everything for to be with the One i love...

Greeting with this:

Garbage
Crush

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.

Yours, Killing, crawling and crying Eden